ENOBARBUS If our eyes had authority, here they might take two thieves kissing.
MENAS All men’s faces are true, whatsome’er their hands are.
ENOBARBUS But there is never a fair woman has a true face.
MENAS No slander; they steal hearts.
ENOBARBUS We came hither to fight with you.
MENAS For my part, I am sorry it is turned to a drinking. Pompey doth this day laugh away his fortune.
ENOBARBUS If he do, sure he cannot weep’t back again.
MENAS You’ve said, sir. (2.6.98-106)
As the two men shake hands, Enobarbus makes a joke that emphasizes their recognition of each other as equals and as similar types who share the same attitudes: if our eyes had authority, if they were officers, here they might take two thieves kissing, arrest our (thieving) hands as they touch. But we’re being honest with each other, Menas says, in effect: all men’s faces are true, whatsome’er their hands are. We’re not dissembling, are we, even if we both sometimes get up to less than honest deeds. This is getting a bit serious and self-revelatory for Enobarbus, and so he characteristically pivots into a bit of barrack-room banter: there is never a fair woman has a true face. They all wear make-up, they paint—can’t trust them. Truth, no slander, agrees Menas; women steal hearts, and the fairer they are, the greater their dishonesty. This brief exchange about women opens an area of discussion that will return, and Enobarbus perhaps guesses what’s coming, so he changes direction again: we came hither to fight with you. This conference was meant to be purely a formality, the prelude to a battle. Yep, says Menas, and for my part, I am sorry it has turned to a drinking. He’s partly saying that he fancied a bit of a ruckus, but also—he is politically no fool—Pompey doth this day laugh away his fortune. Pompey thinks he’s got some kind of upper hand, if not outright victory, by making peace, by feasting with his enemies, but he’s throwing away all his advantage, his fortune here being not his wealth but his luck, the fact that things were going his way. And if he do, sure he cannot weep’t back again. He’s not getting it back, agrees Enobarbus, no matter how much of a fuss he makes, no matter how much he regrets his decision in the future. You’ve said, sir, agrees Menas. Absolutely.