AGRIPPA Sir, this should be answered.
CAESAR ’Tis done already, and the messenger gone.
I have told him Lepidus was grown too cruel,
That he his high authority abused
And did deserve his change. For what I have conquered,
I grant him part; but then in his Armenia,
And other of his conquered kingdoms, I
Demand the like.
MAECENAS He’ll never yield to that.
CAESAR Nor must not then be yielded to in this. (3.6.30-38)
Sir, this should be answered: you’ve got to respond to these outrageous accusations that Antony’s flinging around; they’re a deliberate provocation, a challenge. But Caesar reassures Agrippa that ’tis done already (of course it is, Caesar the bureaucrat, with systems and comms all ready to go): the letter is written and the messenger gone. (Partly Caesar is showing off here, performing his cool efficiency, his total control of his brief.) The accusations are answered point by point: Re: Lepidus, I have told Antony that Lepidus was grown too cruel, that he his high authority abused and did deserve his change. It was Lepidus’s fault, my response was proportionate and justified; he was getting above himself, overstepping the mark and enough was enough. (This does not accord with the tipsy Lepidus of the crocodile, or the pathetic Lepidus of the morning after. No matter, Caesar’s in control, not least of the narrative.) Re: what I have conquered, spoils and territory, distribution of: I grant him part, objection noted and partially upheld. But then—and this is genius, but I’m too modest to brag about it other than indirectly—I demand the like in his Armenia and other of his conquered kingdoms. If Antony’s after sharing my newly won territory and spoils of conquest, then I want my share of his. Check mate. Maecenas, admiring: he’ll never yield to that. Exactly, responds Caesar, and I know exactly what I’m doing. He won’t give in to our demands and so he must not then be yielded to in this. I’m not budging an inch (or he’ll take a mile) and I’m absolutely not giving in to him. Game on.