10 January 2024

 

SPEED This proves me still a sheep.

PROTEUS       True, and thy master a shepherd.

SPEED Nay, that I can deny by a circumstance.

PROTEUS It shall go hard but I’ll prove it by another.

SPEED The shepherd seeks the sheep, and not the sheep the shepherd. But I seek my master, and my master seeks not me. Therefore I am no sheep.

PROTEUS The sheep for fodder follow the shepherd, the shepherd for food follows not the sheep. Thou for wages followest thy master, thy master for wages follows not thee. Therefore thou art a sheep.

SPEED Such another proof will make me cry ‘baa’.           (1.1.80-90)

 

You’ve got me there, Speed replies; this proves me still a sheep. Yes, I am that silly sheep, I concede the point. Proteus pushes for advantage: true, and thy master a shepherd. If you’re a sheep, that follows, surely. Speed’s still fighting, though: nay, that I can deny by a circumstance. I can prove to you, by LOGIC and RHETORIC that Valentine my master is not a shepherd. Bring it on, says Proteus (apparently all you need for at least a temporary respite from the dire symptoms of love melancholy is the opportunity to score points off a servant via the medium of sheep jokes). It shall go hard but I’ll prove it by another—I’d have to be a complete loser not to be able to counter your argument with a better one.

 

Speed sets out his proof, his circumstance (the terminology is from formal logic). The shepherd seeks the sheep, and not the sheep the shepherd. But I seek my master, and my master seeks not me. One goes looking for the other, not the other way around; it doesn’t work in both directions. I’m looking vainly for my master Valentine, but he doesn’t seem to be looking for me at all. Therefore I am no sheep. Ha! Ha! Not a sheep!

 

But Proteus has a comeback. The sheep for fodder follows the shepherd, the shepherd for food follows not the sheep. It’s all about who depends on whom—and thou for wages followest thy master, thy master for wages follows not thee. You follow him, both literally and metaphorically, you’re looking for him right now, because that’s your job, because you’re paid by him, because you depend on him for your livelihood. (An early modern audience would connect this even more closely to the sheep and its fodder, because early modern servants would expect to be provided with livery by their masters, which would include both food and clothing, which might identify their master by colour, and which would very likely be made of wool.) Therefore thou art a sheep. Ha! Ha! Boom! Mike-drop!

 

Such another proof will make me cry ‘baa’, is Speed’s only rejoinder. It could be ‘baa’, yes, alright, I’m a sheep. Or it could be ‘bah’, come on, that’s pretty poor really.

 

Fear not, next-level sheep jokes are still to come…