Enter Valentine, Silvia, Thurio, [and] Speed

SILVIA             Servant!

VALENTINE    Mistress.

SPEED            [to Valentine] Master, Sir Thurio frowns on you.

VALENTINE Ay, boy, it’s for love.

SPEED Not of you.

VALENTINE Of my mistress, then.

SPEED ’Twere good you knocked him.

SILVIA [to Valentine] Servant, you are sad.

VALENTINE Indeed, madam, I seem so.

THURIO          Seem you that you are not?

VALENTINE Haply I do.

THURIO So do counterfeits.

VALENTINE So do you.

THURIO What seem I that I am not?

VALENTINE Wise.

THURIO What instance of the contrary?

VALENTINE Your folly.         (2.4.1-17)

 

Back to Milan, and Silvia’s playing two of her suitors off against each other. She summons Valentine—Servant!—and he responds, presumably eagerly: Mistress! But, as Speed points out, someone isn’t very happy about this: Master, Sir Thurio frowns on you. Valentine’s smug: ay, boy, it’s for love. Thurio’s lovesick, that’s why he looks so cross. Mmmmm, says Speed, not of you: well, he’s not in love with you, that’s for certain. Of my mistress then, replies Valentine, perhaps with a subtle, obvious emphasis on my mistress. He’s in love with Silvia. ’Twere good you knocked him, is Speed’s considered advice: he’s annoying, and also a potential rival. Wouldn’t it be a good idea to punch him in the face?

Silvia wants to be the centre of attention, though, or perhaps simply has no intention of letting a fight get started: servant, you are sad. You’re looking very serious, bit melancholy there? Indeed, madam, I seem so. That’s me, sober, sentimental, entirely focused on you. And that’s Thurio’s cue for an interjection: seem you that you are not? are you just putting it on, then? are you not what you seem? (Hamlet does this better…) Haply I do seem other than I am, replies Valentine: yes, perhaps I’m not at all sad really. Perhaps I’m full of joy! Ah, so do counterfeits, pushes back Thurio, picking a fight; they also seem like something they’re not. You’re a big fake! Valentine’s not rising to the bait: well, you also seem to be something that you’re not. Why, what seem I that I am not? asks Thurio. What are you on about? Wise, says Valentine. You seem reasonably intelligent, and yet… What instance of the contrary? demands Thurio. What evidence can you offer that I’m not wise? Ooooo, your folly? The fact that you’re a total dick?

(Devastating stuff. Lucky Silvia.)