PROTEUS The best way is to slander Valentine
With falsehood, cowardice, and poor descent,
Three things that women highly hold in hate.
DUKE Ay, but she’ll think that it is spoke in hate.
PROTEUS Ay, if his enemy deliver it.
Therefore it must with circumstance be spoken
By one whom she esteemeth as his friend.
DUKE Then you must undertake to slander him.
PROTEUS And that, my lord, I shall be loath to do.
’Tis an ill office for a gentleman,
Especially against his very friend. (3.2.31-41)
How to put Silvia off Valentine, so that she’ll transfer her affections to someone else? Well, the best way is to slander Valentine—says his so-called best friend Proteus—with falsehood, cowardice, and poor descent, three things that women highly hold in hate. Yeah, tell her that he’s a liar and a coward, and common into the bargain, not at all well connected—not a gentleman—and she’ll go off him; women hate those things. Ay, but she’ll think that it is spoke in hate, says the Duke; I mean, I can hardly say those things to her, she’ll think I’m just being mean about him on purpose, making up bad stuff about him. Well yes, ay, if his enemy deliver it. I agree, that’s exactly what she’ll think if you—or Thurio—speak to her along those lines. And therefore it must with circumstance be spoken by one whom she esteemeth as his friend. It’ll have to come from someone whom she regards as being on Valentine’s side, and it’ll need to be convincing in its details, times and places etc. (Circumstance is key here, central to rhetorical and legal training—it’s the details that convince, that have to ring true.) In that case, you must undertake to slander him, suggests the Duke, which is of course exactly where Proteus was aiming. You’re his friend; who better? Oh, and that, my lord, I shall be loath to do. I couldn’t bring myself to do such a thing. ’Tis an ill office for a gentleman, especially against his very friend. It’s just not at all a nice thing to do, to say nasty things about the person who’s supposed to be your friend, your true, best friend. Vulgar. Not gentlemanly, not gentlemanly at all.