GERTRUDE     Thou knowst ’tis common all that lives must die,

Passing through nature to eternity.

HAMLET         Ay, madam, it is common.

QUEEN                                               If it be

Why seems it so particular with thee?

HAMLET         ‘Seems’, madam – nay it is, I know not ‘seems’.       (1.2.72-6)

Gertrude attempts a little conventional stoic, Christian consolation: thou knowst ’tis common all that lives must die, passing through nature to eternity. That’s just—life. Being mortal. Everything that lives has to die one day. Sorry for your loss. It can sound glib, commonplace—or the sort of thing that she’s told herself (or been told) over and over again—or something she’s never questioned, through faith, or lack of curiosity.

Hamlet’s not going to let her get away with it: ay, madam, it is common. Commonplace, yes, superficial. And there’s often an undertone of moral condemnation, which might sharpen into a note of sneering sexual disapproval, outright misogyny, yes, common, like you, you keep telling yourself that, to justify your own promiscuity. Common alright. Whore. His mother’s not going to let him get away with that either, if she notices; or there can be genuine concern, he should be coping better by now, is this just acting out, she does want to try to understand, to help (all of these together): if it be why seems it so particular with thee? Help me here, why are you taking this so hard? Or, what makes you so different from everyone else, you special snowflake? (That might be a bit harsh.)

But he seizes on what might—seem—the most trivial word in her response: ‘seems’, madam—nay it is, I know not ‘seems’. I’m not seeming, I’m being. This is me, this is genuine, this is who I am now. It is particular to me, it is my grief, mine, and no one can share the particularity of it. I am alone with that. And I’m not putting this on, believe me; this isn’t just an act.