POLONIUS      Thus it remains, and the remainder thus. Perpend,

I have a daughter – have while she is mine –

Who in her duty and obedience, mark,

Hath given me this. Now gather and surmise.

[Reads.] To the celestial and my soul’s idol, the most
beautified Ophelia – that’s an ill phrase, a vile phrase,
‘beautified’ is a vile phrase, but you shall hear – thus in
her excellent white bosom, these, etc.

QUEEN           Came this from Hamlet to her?

POLONIUS      Good madam, stay awhile: I will be faithful.           (2.2.104-113)

Thus it remains, and the remainder thus. So that’s that then, or something. Polonius loses his thread, perhaps, but then remembers the next bit: perpend, listen carefully, and consider this. I have a daughter—have while she is mine, that is, until she marries—who in her duty and obedience, mark, hath given me this. She’s a good girl, she is, and she knows what she should do and how she should behave—and so she’s handed it over. (Polonius is covering his back as a parent and as a loyal servant; if Ophelia is thought to be in the wrong in any way it’ll reflect badly on him. When did she hand over the papers? On the way to see the King? Possibly, but it doesn’t really matter.) Now gather and surmise; he’s being a bit bossy, listen carefully, he says again, and see what you think about this.

If Ophelia’s there, she’s trying to disappear, hot with embarrassment and exposure, that something both cringey and perhaps precious is being so publicly exposed, and to and by the worst possible people in the circumstances. To the celestial and my soul’s idol, the most beautified Ophelia, he reads, perhaps having paused to put on reading glasses, or holding it at a comfortable distance. Technically this seems to be what’s written on the letter’s outside, its address or superscription. Polonius can’t help himself: that’s an ill phrase, a vile phrase, ‘beautified’ is a vile phrase. (Editors struggle to suggest what’s objectionable about beautified, suggesting that it implies the use of make-up, for instance—the horror—but surely at least part of the point is that Polonius is picking on any old word, from the address at that, rather than actually getting on with the substance of the letter.) Thus in her excellent white bosom, these, etc. Polonius might be embarrassed by this, hence the skimming summary; if Ophelia’s there she’s wishing for the ground to open and swallow her up.

Came this from Hamlet to her? asks Gertrude—amazed, disbelieving, indulgently amused? from my little boy, my big sulky grown-up man-child? Good madam stay awhile: be patient, don’t rush me. I will be faithful, protests Polonius, read you the entire thing (apart from that bit I’ve just skipped over which is about my daughter having an excellent white bosom, obviously).