CW: suicidal ideation

HAMLET         Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,

And thus the native hue of resolution

Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,

And enterprises of great pitch and moment

With this regard their currents turn awry

And lose the name of action.            (3.1.82-87)

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all: so that’s that. We’re paralysed by our fears and by our scruples, lacking the courage to take control of our lives, our fates, the courage to act—to do anything at all, let alone to end our own lives (if that’s what this is about; it is, at least in part, but not exclusively). We’re afraid, of death, of any afterlife, and of divine punishment. We’re all just cowards, whining in the dark. And thus the native hue of resolution—the ruddy complexion of the all-rounder, the proper man, the man of action, perhaps—is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought. Always a sick note, excused PE, a unhealthy indoor look. THINKING too much does that to a man. Red changed to white, blood to a kind of thin watery nothing, with the added suggestion of a cosmetic layer, which would be white in early modern usage, white and deadly. A white-wash of hypocrisy; I’m all talk when it comes to it, he says. Nothing doing. And enterprises of great pitch and moment—the most important, vital things, the plans which are so crucial (pitch is the highest point in flight, from falconry; the Folio gives pith, a significant variant sometimes chosen, meaning substance, seriousness) with this regard, with all this damn THINKING, turning over and over, assessing, reassessing—their currents turn awry and lose the name of action. Everything just loses its focus, eddies and drifts, fades into inertia. Not even a plan worthy of the name. I’m so pathetic, such a loser. I can’t even get this right. I can’t even persuade myself.

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The Samaritans www.samaritans.org can be contacted on 116 123 for free (also in Ireland), 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Shout www.giveusashout.org is a text-based crisis line for those struggling to cope and who need immediate help: text 85258. It is a free service for all the major UK mobile networks, available 24/7.

Papyrus www.papyrus-uk.org is a suicide prevention charity. For support and advice, call 0800 068 41 41 or text 07786 209697 Monday–Friday 10am–10pm, weekends 2pm–10pm, bank holidays 2pm–5pm.

CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) www.thecalmzone.net has a helpline 0800 585858 available 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, and many resources on the website, especially for peer-peer support, and for young men.

Young Minds www.youngminds.org.uk has resources for young people and their adult support networks.

In an emergency situation, if someone has taken steps to end their life or if you are worried for your own or someone else’s safety, always call 999 (UK) or go straight to A&E. Mental health emergencies are serious; asking for help isn’t wasting anyone’s time.