(Enter POLONIUS.)

POLONIUS      My lord, he’s going to his mother’s closet.

Behind the arras I’ll convey myself

To hear the process. I’ll warrant she’ll tax him home

And, as you said – and wisely was it said –

’Tis meet that some more audience than a mother

(Since nature makes them partial) should o’er-hear

The speech of vantage. Fare you well, my liege,

I’ll call upon you ere you go to bed

And tell you what I know.

CLAUDIUS                  Thanks, dear my lord.

Exit Polonius.              (3.3.27-35)

Polonius, now, oh GOOD, no chance yet for Claudius to have a moment by himself. Polonius at least is more effective than Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, even if his officiousness can be annoying: my lord, he’s going to his mother’s closet. No need to say who he is; Hamlet’s on his way to see Gertrude, as arranged. And Polonius has a plan: behind the arras I’ll convey myself—more surveillance and eavesdropping, this time from behind the wall-hangings in Gertrude’s room—to hear the process. I’ll listen to everything they have to say. I’ll warrant she’ll tax him home; she’ll give him a proper telling-off I bet! and, as you said—and wisely was it said (Polonius remembers he’s talking to the king, that he needs to flatter; they may be co-conspirators at least some of the time but they’re not equals, and in fact this bit of spying was Polonius’s own idea, not Claudius’s)—’tis meet that some more audience than a mother (since nature makes them partial) should o’er-hear the speech of vantage. I mean, we have to assume that Gertrude’s report of their meeting might not be entirely accurate, she’s his mother after all, she’s bound to take his side, gloss over some of it, and so it’s really an excellent idea of yours, that someone else should be listening in. Suspicion is the default in Elsinore: women’s feelings and relationships are to be exploited, rather than taken seriously or on trust. So fare you well, my liege—I’m off, bye for now—I’ll call upon you ere you go to bed and tell you what I know. I’ll be making my report later this evening, yes, you can count on it, count on me. Thanks, dear my lord, is Claudius’s reply, glad that Polonius is leaving (not that he’s been able to get a word in) but also, perhaps, really grateful, that someone is on his side, committed to solving the wrong mystery and so continuing to distract from and conceal Claudius’s own crimes. Exit Polonius…