CAPTAIN Truly to speak, and with no addition,
We go to gain a little patch of ground
That hath in it no profit but the name.
To pay five ducats – five – I would not farm it,
Nor will it yield to Norway or the Pole
A ranker rate should it be sold in fee.
HAMLET Why then the Polack never will defend it.
CAPTAIN Yes, it is already garrisoned. (4.4.16-23)
The Captain seems to have decided that Hamlet’s alright, that he can speak freely—or else he doesn’t care whom he says this to—but his candour is startling, especially in comparison with the evasions of Elsinore. Truly to speak, and with no addition—I’m not exaggerating, I’m telling you straight. Honestly? we go to gain a little patch of ground that hath in it no profit but the name. The disputed territory here is tiny, pathetic, and all we gain by conquering it is a slap on the back, a campaign medal; a warm, honourable glow. (And what is honour? A word. And what is a word? Air.) It’s pointless! It’s worthless! To pay five ducats—five—I would not farm it; it’s no good for agriculture, or for renting out, and you wouldn’t get a mortgage on it (farm could mean either farming or the latter, financial sense). Nor will it yield to Norway or the Pole a ranker rate should it be sold in fee: even selling it outright wouldn’t raise enough for it to be worth the trouble, either to our king, the Norwegian king, or his Polish counterpart. What a waste of everyone’s time! And yet we’re here, because we’re here, because we’re here… (The Norwegian Captain is cousin to the captains of Henry V, and to their soldier companions in other ranks, doggedly dutiful, cynical, grumbling, flabbergasted at the pointlessness of it all.) Hamlet can’t believe it, perhaps seeks to offer some robust consolation: why then the Polack never will defend it. He won’t bother putting up a fight, you’ll just be able to walk in and claim possession. Ha! That’s what you think. Civilians! Yes, it is already garrisoned. They’ll defend it alright; the troops are in position, ready and waiting.