LUCIANUS      Thoughts black, hands apt, drugs fit, and time agreeing,

Considerate season else no creature seeing,

Thou mixture rank, of midnight weeds collected,

With Hecate’s ban thrice blasted, thrice infected,

Thy natural magic and dire property

On wholesome life usurps immediately.

[Pours the poison in his ears.]

HAMLET         ’A poisons him i’th’ garden for his estate. His name’s Gonzago. The story is extant and written in very choice Italian. You shall see anon how the murderer gets the love of Gonzago’s wife.       (3.2.248-257)

Lucianus the murderer might as well be swirling a cloak, twirling his moustache, and cackling: thoughts black, hands apt, drugs fit, and time agreeing. Everything’s set, the nefarious intention, the appropriate drugs, and the perfect opportunity. The hands may be apt, appropriate simply because he’s ready to do the deed; they could be bloodstained or else he might wear black gloves? But it’s only a detail; the point is, everything is ready, considerate season else no creature seeing. No one’s around! There’ll be no witnesses! PERFECT.

Then Lucianus addresses his poison, his nasty little vial: thou mixture rank, of midnight weeds collected (potent! evil!), with Hecate’s ban thrice blasted, thrice infected (witchy! cursed! not just once, not just twice, but three times! this poison is as poisonous as they come!) Thy natural magic and dire property on wholesome life usurps immediately. You’re as noxious as they come, my poison, fast acting, potent, irrevocable. Usurps is, of course, particularly loaded here, as the poison is imagined as supplanting the goodness of life with rapid death.

And Hamlet can’t contain himself, breaks in again to make sure that everything’s clear: ’A poisons him i’th’ garden for his estate. His name’s Gonzago. The story is extant and written in very choice Italian. So the guy having his afternoon nap, that’s Gonzago, and the other one is poisoning him to get his land and titles! In the garden! It’s a true story, you can read it, it’s in Italian, really refined Italian! (Lots of plays of this period were based on Italian sources, some of them true crime narratives like this one.) And, wait for it, wait for it, you shall see anon—in just a moment—how the murderer gets the love of Gonzago’s wife! How COOL is that??