THURIO          Therefore, as you unwind her love from him, Lest it should ravel and be good to none You must provide to bottom it on me; Which must be done by praising me as much As you in worth dispraise Sir Valentine.     (3.2.51-55)   Thurio’s conceit is fabulous but also deeply weird, especially to a […]

DUKE  Where your good word cannot advantage him Your slander never can endamage him. Therefore, the office is indifferent, Being entreated to it by your friend. PROTEUS       You have prevailed, my lord. If I can do it By aught that I can speak in his dispraise She shall not long continue love to him. But […]

PROTEUS       The best way is to slander Valentine With falsehood, cowardice, and poor descent, Three things that women highly hold in hate. DUKE  Ay, but she’ll think that it is spoke in hate. PROTEUS Ay, if his enemy deliver it. Therefore it must with circumstance be spoken By one whom she esteemeth as his friend. […]

DUKE  Thou know’st how willingly I would effect The match between Sir Thurio and my daughter? PROTEUS       I do, my lord. DUKE And also, I think, thou art not ignorant How she opposes her against my will? PROTEUS She did, my lord, when Valentine was here. DUKE Ay, and perversely she persevers so. What might […]

DUKE  How now, Sir Proteus, is your countryman, According to our proclamation, gone? PROTEUS       Gone, my good lord. DUKE  My daughter takes his going grievously? PROTEUS       A little time, my lord, will kill that grief. DUKE  So I believe, but Thurio thinks not so. Proteus, the good conceit I hold of thee (For thou hast […]

Enter Duke [and] Thurio DUKE  Sir Thurio, fear not but that she will love you Now Valentine is banished from her sight. THURIO          Since his exile she hath despised me most, Forsworn my company, and railed at me, That I am desperate of obtaining her. DUKE This weak impress of love is as a figure […]

LANCE            Why then will I tell thee that thy master stays for thee at the North Gate. SPEED            For me? LANCE For thee? Ay, who art thou? He hath stayed for a better man than thee. SPEED And must I go to him? LANCE Thou must run to him, for thou hast […]

SPEED            ‘Item. She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults.’ LANCE            Stop there – I’ll have her. She was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article. Rehearse that once more. SPEED ‘Item. She hath more hair than wit’ – LANCE ‘More hair than wit’. It […]

SPEED            ‘Item. She is proud.’ LANCE            Out with that too. It was Eve’s legacy, and cannot be ta’en from her. SPEED ‘Item. She hath no teeth.’ LANCE I care not for that neither, because I love crusts. SPEED ‘Item. She is curst.’ LANCE Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite. SPEED ‘Item. […]

SPEED            Here follows her vices. LANCE            Close at the heels of her virtues. SPEED ‘Item. She is not to be broken with fasting, in respect of her breath.’ LANCE Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast. Read on. SPEED ‘Item. She hath a sweet mouth.’ LANCE That makes amends for her sour breath. SPEED […]