SPEED            ‘Item. She is proud.’ LANCE            Out with that too. It was Eve’s legacy, and cannot be ta’en from her. SPEED ‘Item. She hath no teeth.’ LANCE I care not for that neither, because I love crusts. SPEED ‘Item. She is curst.’ LANCE Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite. SPEED ‘Item. […]

SPEED            Here follows her vices. LANCE            Close at the heels of her virtues. SPEED ‘Item. She is not to be broken with fasting, in respect of her breath.’ LANCE Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast. Read on. SPEED ‘Item. She hath a sweet mouth.’ LANCE That makes amends for her sour breath. SPEED […]

SPEED            ‘Inprimis. She can milk.’ LANCE            Ay, that she can. SPEED ‘Item. She brews good ale.’ LANCE And thereof comes the proverb, ‘God’s blessing of your heart, you brew good ale.’ SPEED ‘Item. She can sew.’ LANCE That’s as much as to say, ‘Can she so?’ SPEED ‘Item. She can knit.’ LANCE What need a man […]

SPEED            Let me read them. LANCE                        Fie on thee, jolt-head. Thou canst not read. SPEED Thou liest. I can. LANCE I will try thee. Tell me this: who begot thee? SPEED Marry, the son of my grandfather. LANCE O, illiterate loiterer, it was the son of thy grandmother. This proves that thou canst not […]

LANCE                        Here is the catalogue of her conditions. ‘Inprimis. She can fetch and carry.’ Why, a horse can do no more – nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only carry – therefore is she better than a jade. ‘Item. She can milk.’ Look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands. [Enter Speed] SPEED            How now, […]

LANCE            He lives not now that knows me to be in love – yet I am in love, but a team of horse shall not pluck that from me, nor who ’tis I love – and yet ’tis a woman, but what woman, I will not tell myself. And yet –’tis a milkmaid. – Yet, ’tis not a […]

VALENTINE    I pray thee, Lance, and if thou seest my boy Bid him make haste and meet me at the North Gate. PROTEUS       Go sirrah, find him out. Come, Valentine. VALENTINE    O, my dear Silvia! Hapless Valentine! [Exeunt Valentine and Proteus] LANCE            I am but a fool, look you, and yet I have the wit […]

PROTEUS       Hope is a lover’s staff; walk hence with that And manage it against despairing thoughts. Thy letters may be here, though thou art hence, Which, being writ to me, shall be delivered Even in the milk-white bosom of thy love. The time now serves not to expostulate. Come, I’ll convey thee through the city […]

VALENTINE    No more, unless the next word that thou speak’st Have some malignant power upon my life. If so, I pray thee breathe it in mine ear, As ending anthem of my endless dolour. PROTEUS       Cease to lament for that thou canst not help, And study help for that which thou lament’st. Time is the […]

PROTEUS       Those at her father’s churlish feet she tendered, With them upon her knees, her humble self, Wringing her hands, whose whiteness so became them As if but now they waxed pale, for woe. But neither bended knees, pure hands held up, Sad sighs, deep groans, nor silver-shedding tears Could penetrate her uncompassionate sire But […]