HELENA         For ere Demetrius looked on Hermia’s eyne,

He hailed down oaths that he was only mine;

And when this hail some heat from Hermia felt,

So he dissolved, and showers of oaths did melt.

I will go tell him of fair Hermia’s flight.

Then to the wood will he tomorrow night

Pursue her; and for this intelligence

If I have thanks, it is a dear expense.

But herein mean I to enrich my pain,

To have his sight thither and back again. (Exit.)    (1.1.242-251)

In the speech’s final movement, it’s still probably Demetrius who comes off worse: Helena’s been a fool, and Hermia’s perhaps not been entirely blameless (perhaps), but Demetrius has been a proper bastard, shallow and fickle, as well as perfidious. For ere Demetrius looked on Hermia’s eyne—before he laid eyes on HER (and specifically on her eyes, with which Helena does seem a bit obsessed)—he hailed down oaths that he was only mine. Vows and promises all over the place, heartfelt protestations, he showered me with the lot. (There’s scope for a regretful fiddle with a piece of jewellery, a ring even. A tattoo?!?) But the conceit’s clever, plaintive as well as bathetic: and when that hail some heat from Hermia felt (is Helena being wholly fair? is she actually suggesting that Hermia encouraged him?), nicely emphasised by the alliteration, ha ha ha, so he dissolved, and showers of oaths did melt. It all just faded away, everything he said and swore. Little puddles in the sunshine, that’s all I was left with. Little puddles of tears.

I thought he loved me, I really did. He told me so. I wanted to dissolve too.

And so Helena comes to a decision; has she been wrestling with this throughout or does it suddenly occur to her as a possibility? I will go tell him of fair Hermia’s flight. Yes. I’m telling. Then to the wood will he tomorrow night pursue her, that’s exactly what he’ll do, he’s so obsessed, so jealous. And for this intelligence, if I have thanks, it is a dear expense. It’ll be worth it just to hear him say thank you! The couplet’s the kicker: but herein mean I to enrich my pain, to have his sight thither and back again. I’ll go too, I can’t help it, being with him, seeing him, watching him—even if he’s pursuing another woman—is worth the pain, turning the knife, salt in the wound. Ecstasy in agony, Helena the masochist.

And that’s the end of the first scene.