OBERON Stand aside. The noise they make
Will cause Demetrius to awake.
PUCK Then will two at once woo one:
That must needs be sport alone.
And those things do best please me
That befall preposterously.
Enter LYSANDER and HELENA.
LYSANDER Why should you think that I should woo in scorn?
Scorn and derision never come in tears.
Look when I vow, I weep; and vows so born,
In their nativity all truth appears.
How can these things in me seem scorn to you,
Bearing the badge of faith to prove them true? (3.2.116-127)
Ooops, better get out of the way: stand aside, says Oberon, because YOU don’t want to be the first thing that Demetrius sees when he wakes up, do you? And it’s an implicit stage direction, perhaps, that Lysander and Helena are heard before they’re seen; the noise they make will cause Demetrius to awake. Puck is rubbing his hands in gleeful anticipation: then will two at once woo one: that must needs be sport alone. Even just that’s HILARIOUS, isn’t it? Sport, yes, and a spectator sport at that (although sport here just means a pleasing pastime, a game, an entertainment), but the sense of sport as mockery is here from the start too, and that’s certainly how Helena experiences it. And those things do best please me that befall preposterously, Puck adds; I like the ridiculous, the absurd, the back-to-front; arsy-versy, an early modern would say, being literally Latinate. Many backsides on display already, and about to be more, at least figuratively…
Lysander’s impassioned as he appears with Helena: why should you think that I should woo in scorn? What evidence do you have, why would I do that? Do I sound like I’m pretending? (Because Helena’s used to being scorned, is why, used to being mocked or thinking that she’s being mocked, thin-skinned, expecting the worst, assuming an ulterior motive, a hidden camera, being the butt of the joke, the object of a cruel bet between boys.) He’s adamant, though: scorn and derision never come in tears; I’m genuinely upset about this, on the verge of weeping! Look when I vow, I weep; and vows so born, in their nativity all truth appears. I’m telling the truth, with tears in my eyes, I swear! I’m SO genuine, SO transparent! How can these things in me seem scorn to you, bearing the badge of faith to prove them true? Everything about me, everything I say and do is the truth, you’ve got to believe me! How can you even THINK that I’m pretending?
