OPHELIA        I shall the effect of this good lesson keep

As watchman to my heart. But, good my brother,

Do not as some ungracious pastors do

Show me the steep and thorny way to heaven

Whiles, a puffed and reckless libertine,

Himself the primrose path of dalliance treads

And recks not his own rede.

LAERTES                                O fear me not.

I stay too long.           (1.3.44-51)

Ophelia’s quite polite, at least initially, although she can be just sarcastic (more interesting if she signals, even so, that she knows he has her best interests at heart, or that he thinks he does at least). I shall the effect of this good lesson keep as watchman to my heart. Message received and understood; I’ll take your advice to heart, honestly, and use it as a kind of barricade, to keep me safe, or at least alert.

But, good my brother—you’re not getting away that easily, mate—do not as some ungracious pastors do, show me the steep and thorny way to heaven, like a minister (both unkind and also lacking grace, hypocritical even, definitely uninspired) preaching self-denial and suffering as the only possible route to heaven. While at the same time being—yes, I’m talking about you now, Laertes, off back to Paris—a puffed and reckless libertine, full of pride (and maybe Laertes is wearing fashionably padded doublet and hose? And Ophelia is not impossibly being daringly phallic in her implication), not taking advice from anyone, a careless seeker-after-pleasure, morals of an alleycat, really, himself the primrose path of dalliance treads, sating himself—that’s you, Laertes—with lovely things, clothes, women, SEX—and recks not his own rede, doesn’t take his own advice. Hmmmm? (Ophelia’s neat alliteration shows that two can play at this game of sententious siblings.) Are you going to play by your own rules, brother? O fear me not, says Laertes, hurriedly, of course, don’t worry about me! don’t have any concerns for MY moral conduct and well-being! Oh look, is that the time, I really must be going now. I stay too long.