Faculty of English

LANCE            Why then will I tell thee that thy master stays for thee at the North Gate. SPEED            For me? LANCE For thee? Ay, who art thou? He hath stayed for a better man than thee. SPEED And must I go to him? LANCE Thou must run to him, for thou hast […]

SPEED            ‘Item. She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults.’ LANCE            Stop there – I’ll have her. She was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article. Rehearse that once more. SPEED ‘Item. She hath more hair than wit’ – LANCE ‘More hair than wit’. It […]

SPEED            ‘Item. She is proud.’ LANCE            Out with that too. It was Eve’s legacy, and cannot be ta’en from her. SPEED ‘Item. She hath no teeth.’ LANCE I care not for that neither, because I love crusts. SPEED ‘Item. She is curst.’ LANCE Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite. SPEED ‘Item. […]

SPEED            Here follows her vices. LANCE            Close at the heels of her virtues. SPEED ‘Item. She is not to be broken with fasting, in respect of her breath.’ LANCE Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast. Read on. SPEED ‘Item. She hath a sweet mouth.’ LANCE That makes amends for her sour breath. SPEED […]

SPEED            ‘Inprimis. She can milk.’ LANCE            Ay, that she can. SPEED ‘Item. She brews good ale.’ LANCE And thereof comes the proverb, ‘God’s blessing of your heart, you brew good ale.’ SPEED ‘Item. She can sew.’ LANCE That’s as much as to say, ‘Can she so?’ SPEED ‘Item. She can knit.’ LANCE What need a man […]

SPEED            Let me read them. LANCE                        Fie on thee, jolt-head. Thou canst not read. SPEED Thou liest. I can. LANCE I will try thee. Tell me this: who begot thee? SPEED Marry, the son of my grandfather. LANCE O, illiterate loiterer, it was the son of thy grandmother. This proves that thou canst not […]

LANCE                        Here is the catalogue of her conditions. ‘Inprimis. She can fetch and carry.’ Why, a horse can do no more – nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only carry – therefore is she better than a jade. ‘Item. She can milk.’ Look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands. [Enter Speed] SPEED            How now, […]

LANCE            He lives not now that knows me to be in love – yet I am in love, but a team of horse shall not pluck that from me, nor who ’tis I love – and yet ’tis a woman, but what woman, I will not tell myself. And yet –’tis a milkmaid. – Yet, ’tis not a […]

VALENTINE    I pray thee, Lance, and if thou seest my boy Bid him make haste and meet me at the North Gate. PROTEUS       Go sirrah, find him out. Come, Valentine. VALENTINE    O, my dear Silvia! Hapless Valentine! [Exeunt Valentine and Proteus] LANCE            I am but a fool, look you, and yet I have the wit […]

PROTEUS       Hope is a lover’s staff; walk hence with that And manage it against despairing thoughts. Thy letters may be here, though thou art hence, Which, being writ to me, shall be delivered Even in the milk-white bosom of thy love. The time now serves not to expostulate. Come, I’ll convey thee through the city […]