VALENTINE    Why then, a ladder quaintly made of cords,

To cast up with a pair of anchoring hooks,

Would serve to scale another Hero’s tower,

So bold Leander would adventure it.

DUKE  Now as thou art a gentleman of blood,

Advise me where I may have such a ladder.

VALENTINE When would you use it? Pray, sir, tell me that.

DUKE This very night, for love is like a child

That longs for everything that he can come by.

VALENTINE By seven o’clock I’ll get you such a ladder.   (3.1.117-126)

How am I going to get up to her window? the Duke whines, artlessly and fictitiously. Why then, a ladder quaintly made of cords, to cast up with a pair of anchoring hooks: what you need is a rope ladder! With metal hooky things on the ends to grip into the window frame, make it all safe and secure! (Shakespeare almost certainly takes this detail out of the story of Romeo and Juliet in Painter’s Palace of Pleasure; the rope ladder makes it into his own Romeo and Juliet, but not the detail of the hooks. In Painter, such cunning anchoring devices are identified as being typically Italian, the dastardly rascals.) One of those, it’d serve to scale another Hero’s tower, so bold Leander would adventure it. Valentine isn’t just invoking the archetype of classical erotic tower climbing, the tragic story of Hero and Leander, who swims the Hellespont even before he climbs her tower and tragically drowns, but implicitly identifying the Duke, flatteringly, with the sexy, persuasive, persistent lover Leander, and suggesting in fact that he’s even more daring. (Although the drowning bit mightn’t augur quite so well.)

The Duke is thrilled at this! What a great idea! Now as thou art a gentleman of blood—noble as you are (and of course what Valentine is suggesting, and even more what he’s planning to do himself, is not noble at all)—advise me where I may have such a ladder. Where can I get one of these magic ladders? There’s a comic possibility if Valentine almost says, oh, I’ve got one right here, and stops himself just in time—instead he stalls for time: when would you use it? Pray, sir, tell me that. When do you need it by? And also, perhaps: well, if he’s going to be getting up to this adventure at the same time as I’m eloping with Silvia—all the better, he’ll have other things on his mind. And yes, so it proves, because the Duke wants to make this attempt this very night, for love is like a child that longs for everything that he can come by. That’s a dig at Valentine: love is immature, impetuous, and has no impulse control whatsoever, it’s all just gimme gimme, I want it and I want it now.

OK then, says Valentine, thinking fast: by seven o’clock I’ll get you such a ladder. Deal.