THESEUS        Where I have come, great clerks have purposed

To greet me with premeditated welcomes

Where I have seen them shiver and look pale,

Make periods in the midst of sentences,

Throttle their practised accent in their fears,

And in conclusion dumbly have broke off,

Not paying me a welcome.    (5.1.93-99)

Oh, this rings true of every civic welcome, every presentation for the visiting dignitary ever (and here, specifically, the Queen on progress): where I have come, great clerks have purposed to greet me with premeditated welcomes—SO many speeches from unworldly eminent scholars, so carefully written and learned by heart—when I have seen them shiver and look pale—so NERVOUS, shaking, all colour drained from their cheeks—make periods in the midst of sentences (Pauses in funny. Places, where. Pauses shouldn’t. Be), throttle their practised accent in their fears, getting all the stresses WRONG (Theseus, and perhaps some in the audience, might be imagining specifically Latin orations, such as would greet the Queen in the universities), words sticking in their throats, and in conclusion dumbly have broke off, not paying me a welcome. Sometimes those so-called orators just gave up, incapable of saying another word, not even getting to the official you’re very welcome bit. So, look, I’m used to this sort of thing. How bad can it be?