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Slow Shakespeare

Duke to Valentine: get the HELL out of my house you INGRATE (3.1.161-169) #2Dudes1Dog #SlowShakespeare

DUKE  Thank me for this more than for all the favours Which, all too much, I have bestowed on thee. But if thou linger in my territories Longer than swiftest expedition Will give thee time to leave our royal court, By heaven, my wrath shall far exceed the love I ever bore my daughter or […]

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Duke: you’re deluded, she’s totally out of your league, get out! (3.1.150-160) #2Dudes1Dog #SlowShakespeare

DUKE  What’s here? ‘Silvia, this night I will enfranchise thee.’ ’Tis so! And here’s the ladder for the purpose! Why Phaëton, for thou art Merops’ son, Wilt thou aspire to guide the heavenly car, And with thy daring folly burn the world? Wilt thou reach stars because they shine on thee? Go, base intruder, over-weening […]

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AWKWARD: Dad reads sexy poem meant for his daughter while boyfriend cringes (3.1.137-149) #2Dudes1Dog #SlowShakespeare

DUKE  What letter is this same? What’s here? ‘To Silvia’? And here an engine fit for my proceeding! I’ll be so bold to break the seal for once. [He reads] ‘My thoughts do harbour with my Silvia nightly, And slaves they are to me that send them flying. O, could their master come and go […]

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Just hide the rope ladder under your cloak. Yes, a cloak just like this one… (3.1.126-136) #2Dudes1Dog #SlowShakespeare

DUKE  But hark thee: I will go to her alone. How shall I best convey the ladder thither? VALENTINE    It will be light, my lord, that you may bear it Under a cloak that is of any length. DUKE A cloak as long as thine will serve the turn? VALENTINE Ay, my good lord. DUKE […]

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Valentine: what YOU need, is a ROPE LADDER! (like my one) (3.1.117-126) #2Dudes1Dog #SlowShakespeare

VALENTINE    Why then, a ladder quaintly made of cords, To cast up with a pair of anchoring hooks, Would serve to scale another Hero’s tower, So bold Leander would adventure it. DUKE  Now as thou art a gentleman of blood, Advise me where I may have such a ladder. VALENTINE When would you use it? […]

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Duke: they keep her locked up! Valentine: climb in at her window! (3.1.106-116) #2Dudes1Dog #SlowShakespeare

DUKE  But she I mean is promised by her friends Unto a youthful gentleman of worth, And kept severely from resort of men, That no man hath access by day to her. VALENTINE    Why then I would resort to her by night. DUKE Ay, but the doors be locked and keys kept safe That no […]

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Valentine, being depressingly familiar in his toxicity (3.1.96-105) #2Dudes1Dog #SlowShakespeare

VALENTINE    If she do frown, ’tis not in hate of you, But rather to beget more love in you. If she do chide, ’tis not to have you gone, Forwhy the fools are mad if left alone. Take no repulse, whatever she doth say: For ‘Get you gone!’ she doth not mean ‘Away’. Flatter, and […]

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Valentine: well have you tried sending her shiny things? (3.1.89-95) #2Dudes1Dog #SlowShakespeare

VALENTINE    Win her with gifts if she respect not words. Dumb jewels often in their silent kind More than quick words do move a woman’s mind. DUKE  But she did scorn a present that I sent her. VALENTINE A woman sometime scorns what best contents her. Send her another. Never give her o’er, For scorn […]

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Duke to Valentine: teach me how to talk to modern girls? (3.1.80-88) #2Dudes1Dog #SlowShakespeare

VALENTINE    What would your grace have me to do in this? DUKE  There is a lady of Verona here Whom I affect, but she is nice and coy, And naught esteems my aged eloquence. Now, therefore, would I have thee to my tutor – For long agone I have forgot to court; Besides, the fashion […]

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Duke: my daughter won’t obey me; what I need is a WIFE (3.1.68-79) #2Dudes1Dog #SlowShakespeare

DUKE  No, i’faith. She is peevish, sullen, froward, Proud, disobedient, stubborn, lacking duty, Neither regarding that she is my child Nor fearing me as if I were her father. And may I say to thee, this pride of hers Upon advice hath drawn my love from her, And where I thought the remnant of mine […]

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Recent Posts

  • Ophelia: no you listen to ME; Claudius: hey sweetie what’s up? (4.5.34-44) #InkyCloak #SlowShakespeare
  • Ophelia: dead and buried, dead and gone (4.5.23-33) #InkyCloak #SlowShakespeare
  • Enter Ophelia; Gertrude: *just stay calm, breathe, don’t be paranoid* (4.5.17-22) #InkyCloak #SlowShakespeare
  • Gentleman: she’s making a kind of sense? Horatio: you NEED to see her (4.5.7-16) #InkyCloak #SlowShakespeare
  • Gertrude: don’t want to see her; Gentleman: she’s RAVING (4.5.1-7) #InkyCloak #SlowShakespeare

Recent Comments

  1. Hester Lees-Jeffries on Hamlet: my dad died unprepared! I can’t kill my uncle now, no (3.3.80-87) #InkyCloak #SlowShakespeare
  2. Hester Lees-Jeffries on Hamlet: I’m looking at HIM! Gertrude: there’s NOTHING THERE! (3.2.121-131) #InkyCloak #SlowShakespeare
  3. Sunil on Hamlet: my dad died unprepared! I can’t kill my uncle now, no (3.3.80-87) #InkyCloak #SlowShakespeare
  4. Sunil on Hamlet: I’m looking at HIM! Gertrude: there’s NOTHING THERE! (3.2.121-131) #InkyCloak #SlowShakespeare
  5. Hester Lees-Jeffries on Claudius: and I’m still enjoying the wages of my sins! (3.3.51-56) #Inky Cloak #SlowShakespeare